December 21, 2012 – Homeward Bound-#trainspotting#Chicago

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Hi. On the, holiday-commissioned, 3:10PM Express out of the City. This train is a secret special express from the City to the two busiest stations along this line.  The folks that are here are the individual hosts of their own Christmas weekends, versus needing to leave town to be guests at family or friends elsewhere.

Its a lightly populated car. I am in my usual spot. I really haven’t seen or noticed any of the people on the train with me.

There is an older woman with a Gilda Radner hairstyle, eating a white kiddie ice cream cone. She, and possibly the cone, are in their late 60’s. Her face reminds me of of the actress that played Petunia Dursley in the Harry Potter movies, except this woman has Dumbledore’s glasses.

There are but fifteen or twenty of us in this car. About six or seven are upstairs and hard to see. There is a sad looking fellow in the last seat across the aisle, closest to the exit doors. If Bill Murray were sloppy drunk or on his way to sobriety for the day, he’d be this guy. This guy is not at all funny.

Our down and out co-rider is using the barely two-inch window pane to balance his arm, bend his elbow and use his hand as a pedestal to hold up his head. Unfortunately, due to the unevenness of the rail berm from the City to a distance ten-minutes out, he is (either by accident or design) hitting himself in the head.

He has grey hair, an equally grey five-o-clock shadow, and a black colored and well worn insulated jacket. He is continuously pressing the bridge of his nose and putting palm pressure in the middle of his forehead where his pineal gland should be.

I can only speculate that some horrible fate has or will befall him in the coming days. Did he lose his job? By his behavior, it must have been a surprise. Was he involved in some alcohol induced infidelity at the Company X-mas party? Well he sure looks a bit hammered. I will say this – I wish him luck.

Herman Cain is here. After his run for the GOP nomination and subsequent stoner stardom, he decided to go back into the business world.  Here again it is obvious that the debt load and bills from the 999 campaign are still rolling in. Mr. Cain is in the other jumpseat opening up all of his mail and grunting sadly at the bills to be paid. I’m sure there’s a federal aid program for politico-has-been candidates to recoup losses. Hell, Exxon had one for Valdez. BP had one for The Gulf. A little sumpin-sumpin for Da Man Cain shouldn’t be too out there.

Captain Jeremy Sisko of DS9 is here. Evidently the Cardassian wormhole was wonky again and spit the Captain’s shuttle back in time. To make money, he decided to go into acting and be Robert Urich’s sidekick on Spencer for Hire until he had enough contacts through his Scientology friends to hire the right scientist to help him rebuild the impulse engines on the long range shuttle so he can get back to a connecting wormhole and on to DS9. Good luck, Captain.

Harry Morgan, Gloria Steinem, and Nora Dunn’s radio personality from the SNL- Schwetty Balls sketch are all here.

Happy Friday. Be festive. Safe Travels.

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