Wednesday, February 26, 2014 – Homeward Bound – trainspottingChicago




Good afternoon. On the hip-hoppity 3:55PM out of the City. The NFI is 3. The sounds are auto-tuned and dance heavy.

There is a big beautiful young black woman seated across the aisle and one door down. Two hundred and seventy five pounds of “I am Woman! Hear my music!” She is plugged into the all-grammy-all-backbeat hits, with the volume set to “sonicate.” We’re not in the quiet car, but the lower register and upper register wavelengths of her playlist are bouncing off of her nearly vaporized eardrums and back out to the open air, where all of us can hear it.

Now, this doesn’t bother me all that much, because if I were indeed bothered, all I need to do is to put on my ear buds and blast some of my tunes – BeBop rather than HipHop – to the consternation of the other passengers. We could engage in a tympanic membrane maul music match! But, the beats are actually quite phat.

Her hairstyle is of the “cornrow” variety, which are tight rolls of hair separated by neat aisles, all starting from a pulled back hairline. The music is so loud that the cornrows are vibrating in time to the beats. Outstanding.

The fellow who is most displeased with the noise is the fellow sitting across from Madam Beatdown. He reminds me of Sgt. Andy Renko of Hill Street Blues fame. Our guy is beefier, an ex-body builder type, who has since finished the paper and is closing his eyes trying to block out the thumpitythump. He’s old school. He looks like a guy who used to be part of an old street gang from the 1950’s. He hasn’t shaved in at least two days. Hair club for men? Possibly. Let’s be careful out there, Sarge.

For you Pooh fans, the woman sitting in the opposite jump seat, in front of Madam Beatdown, looks like the human embodiment of Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh. Long face, pouty lips, and big, round, bespectacled eyes. I bet she was the model for the original cartoon. The woman is about 106 and may expire before the train reaches the (heh) terminal.

Also here are Angela Merkel, our chin-tee friend, Terry Gilliam, and a short Matt Lauer. All are armed.

Happy Wednesday. Safe travels.

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