Wednesday, April 2, 2014 – Homeward Bound – trainspottingChicago




Good afternoon. On the perturbed 3:58PM out of the City.

I was asked to find another seat. A fellow who has a striking resemblance to the late Senator Daniel Inouye (D-HI) (Medal of Honor recipient) was sprawled all over my usual jump seat in the fourth car from the front. I was raised on being polite, so as I was attempting to sit down, I asked (rhetorically) if I could sit down. He said he was waiting for someone. Annoyed, I relocated to the west end of the same car in that jump seat, farthest from the exit.

I don’t mind relocating, but I bet he doesn’t have anyone seated in front of him. No seated friend. Perhaps an imaginary one? I should go check. I asked the conductor and he said that there was only one person seated in that spot.

It’s not like I didn’t get a jump seat anyway. It’s the lie. The dead Senator wanted a seat – nay four seats – to himself. But to use “I have somebody coming” is just a bad lie.

This is a nice little crowd here. Sam Neill is sitting up top, on his cellular networked laptop. He is young, no older than 32, and has the 18.1″ LED screened streamlined behemoth nestled closely to his midriff. I hope he’s got some samples saved away at a bank, because his little Sams are getting microwaved! Unless of course he is tech savvy and has a defraction cup or composite woven undergarments that absorb and rebroadcast the radiation from his seventh chakra to two microfiber repeater antennae built into the seam of his belt. He is a Gen Xer, after all.

I must be seeing dead people. Five seats back along the far window sits a very good looking sixty-something man who immediately reminds me of Peter Jennings, the award winning ABC News anchor. Obviously tall, most of his red-brown hair in tact, our on air personality evokes a Newsroom quality about him. He looks ready to buck the trend of income-driven, ratings driven puff-n-stuff and really hunker down and provide Woodward & Bernstein style investigative journalism not found since the Monica Lewinsky investigation. Or OJ. Or Barack Obama’s birth certificate. Something that really is important to the American Way of life.

Heh. What is wrong with me? Pure fantasy!

Also here are PJ O’Rourke, Brian Bostwick, Yuri Andropov, and Chief Justice John Roberts with a checkbook. Everybody is armed.

Happy Wednesday. Safe travels.

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