Monday, September 8, 2014 – Homeward Bound – trainspottingChicago

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Good afternoon.

I’m on the most favored 3:58PM out of the City, in the front train car just behind the locomotive. You may have noticed that I haven’t been talking about the morning trains recently. I think that pattern is due to a bit of laziness on my part, coupled with a habit of keeping abreast of the weekend current events and associated satire, as I travel into the City. I will make a point to report my observations about the inbound folks in De course.

It’s a lightly populated train car this afternoon. Jay Cutler is here. He doesn’t seem disappointed in the three point loss to the Buffalo Bills in yesterdays Season Opener. He, like me and many of my friends, were pleasantly surprised that it was only a three point loss. The loss, this time, can be squarely attributed to the three interceptions (nowadays called “turnovers” like the savory puff pastry) deftly executed by Cutler.

Our man pulls out a pack of menthol cigarettes, but quickly puts them back in his pocket, realizing that he can’t smoke on the train without reprisals and media scrutiny. He falls asleep to the rhythm of the train, reliving every open receiver he could have hit to instead of their defensive backs.

Dr. Jeckyl-Hyde is here. He’s talking to the back of the head of the young, Telly Savalas looking, bald fellow seated in front of him. J-H is a little miffed about the state of the GOP.

On one level, it looks like the GOP will take back the House and win over the Senate. Happy days are here again, right? In the name of the American Family, they can repeal the destructive healthcare law that just doesn’t help average Americans. They can finally shut Elizabeth Warren and the Dems about profiting from Student Loans. After all, everyone knows Government should act more like Big Business. What better way to generate profit to reinvest in the debt reduction?

Increase sending rates to banks? asks his RINO personality, to the row of hair growing along Kojack’s neckline in front of him. Are you crazy? retorts Far Right, to the same hairline. Do you want to encumber growth? Stifle job creation? Kill the American Dream? Have we lost our minds?

He looks out the window to his right, contemplating that last question, in silence.

Also here are Clive Owen, Freddie Prinze Sr., the Hong Kong money launderer from The Dark Knight, and Rita Rudner. All are armed.

Happy Monday. Safe travels.

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